Apologies aforehoof. This is the best version I could find online, and while it's not bad, it pales in quality and verve to the 1987 live cut I have on my personal playlist. It frankly comes across as too long and overwrought, but uploading my version anywhere without transforming it in any way would be illegal. If you want to cut to the chase, skip to 3:30 in the linked video, though as I say, the whole of the thing isn't bad.

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This is some next level fanfic:

(Mayfair. The Newspaper-Boy holds a copy of the late edition, ink smudging onto his fingertips. Passers-by slow as they read the splashed headline.)

THE NEWSPAPER-BOY: Extra! Extra! The hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent has lately been overheard in Mayfair! Extra Extra!

A PASSERBY: (admonishingly) Yeh bett’r stay away fr’m h’m. He’ll rip yer lungs out.

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